One day, long ago, there was a small man named Patrick. He ventured around the world doing good deeds for the country men. Perhaps his most famous good deed was when he chased off all the snakes from his home country of Ireland. He had just gotten home from a trip to Australia, and he was very tired. He lived in a kingdom that was very poor and weak. When he made it to his house, Patrick was merrily greeted by his family. They had a feast of cow, Irish elk, and potatoes. His brother, David, gave him a basket of golden potatoes. Patrick really liked potatoes, especially golden ones. Patrick's family had a secret, though. They were smuggling snakes into Ireland! David was the only one, besides Patrick, who was not doing this. This all started when Patrick was just a little boy. His mom was giving birth to David. When David came out, a snake slithered by his mother's feet. She took it as an omen to put snakes onto the island. Now, there are over one thousand species of snakes in Ireland because of Patrick's family.
Later that night, Patrick was trying to figure out where in the world to go next. His brother David came into the room and asked him if he wanted a cup of ale. David showed Patrick to the cellar. In the cellar was a bowl shaped contraption. David and Patrick stood in amazement when their mom came into the room. They hid behind some ale barrels as quickly as their feet could take them. Their mom went to the contraption. She lifted off the lid of one of the barrels to reveal a second bowl. She put one hand in one bowl, and the other hand in the other bowl. She said a spell that lit up the bowls with a green, orange, and white glow. Then the colors aligned in order from left to right on the wall; green, white, orange. She touched the orange stripe. The ground began to shake, barrels began collapsing, and hundreds of African snakes poured out of the orange stripe. She touched the white stripe. Hundreds of North American snakes began to come out of the white stripe. Then she touched the green stripe. Hundreds of South American snakes slithered from the green stripe. She then told the snakes to go out and wait for her order to take all of Ireland and Northern Ireland. David and Patrick bolted towards their mother. They each took one of her hands and dragged her to the castle dungeon.
The King saw David and Patrick take their own mother to him. The King questioned why they had their mother with them. They informed him of what she had done. The King dismissed this plead and told them to go home. Their mother broke free of the bonds around her wrists and shouted as loud as she could to commence the assault. The ground began to shake, bricks started crumbling, and people ran inside the castle. Millions of snakes from around the world slithered from holes in the ground. They charged the kingdoms of the island. In about thirty seconds, the kingdoms of Ireland and Northern Ireland had fallen, except for the poor kingdom David and Patrick lived in. The brothers ran home to their weapons. They grabbed axes, swords, and daggers. David ran north while Patrick ran south. They killed so many snakes, the bodies were piled up to the tops of the tallest trees. David got the worst of the bunch. On the border with Northern Ireland, the brothers met up again. Their mother was not just planning to take over Ireland, she wanted to take over all of the British Isles. Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland, England, the Isle of Man, and Wales. She turned around to find that her army of snakes was not there. She summoned them again, none came to her. David and Patrick had had scared them off the island. David and Patrick confronted their mother. Before they got to the top of the hill she was on, she threw a knife and hit David in the chest. Patrick yelled with grief for his brother. He now had so much rage in his system, he ran up the hill and decapitated his mother. He ran to his brother's side. Patrick took David to the castle healer and prayed David's survival. David died that night. The whole of Ireland was in grief. The entire British Isles were celebrating what Patrick had done, even though Patrick had just activated the portal back to the other continents. Patrick always had a selfish desire. He took all the glory and honor of the incident. He did not recognize his brother's doings until his death. Patrick has been considered a saint since he buried David's body. Saint Patrick was a selfish old drunk who fancied walking across the rainbow and stealing things from people ever since. He is often depicted as a leprechaun. Some say he was drunk a lot because he was selfish. That, we can never know for sure. Some people also say that David is still alive and well in Ireland today. He is said to be the leprechaun catcher. This whole thing about them still being alive
Later that night, Patrick was trying to figure out where in the world to go next. His brother David came into the room and asked him if he wanted a cup of ale. David showed Patrick to the cellar. In the cellar was a bowl shaped contraption. David and Patrick stood in amazement when their mom came into the room. They hid behind some ale barrels as quickly as their feet could take them. Their mom went to the contraption. She lifted off the lid of one of the barrels to reveal a second bowl. She put one hand in one bowl, and the other hand in the other bowl. She said a spell that lit up the bowls with a green, orange, and white glow. Then the colors aligned in order from left to right on the wall; green, white, orange. She touched the orange stripe. The ground began to shake, barrels began collapsing, and hundreds of African snakes poured out of the orange stripe. She touched the white stripe. Hundreds of North American snakes began to come out of the white stripe. Then she touched the green stripe. Hundreds of South American snakes slithered from the green stripe. She then told the snakes to go out and wait for her order to take all of Ireland and Northern Ireland. David and Patrick bolted towards their mother. They each took one of her hands and dragged her to the castle dungeon.
The King saw David and Patrick take their own mother to him. The King questioned why they had their mother with them. They informed him of what she had done. The King dismissed this plead and told them to go home. Their mother broke free of the bonds around her wrists and shouted as loud as she could to commence the assault. The ground began to shake, bricks started crumbling, and people ran inside the castle. Millions of snakes from around the world slithered from holes in the ground. They charged the kingdoms of the island. In about thirty seconds, the kingdoms of Ireland and Northern Ireland had fallen, except for the poor kingdom David and Patrick lived in. The brothers ran home to their weapons. They grabbed axes, swords, and daggers. David ran north while Patrick ran south. They killed so many snakes, the bodies were piled up to the tops of the tallest trees. David got the worst of the bunch. On the border with Northern Ireland, the brothers met up again. Their mother was not just planning to take over Ireland, she wanted to take over all of the British Isles. Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland, England, the Isle of Man, and Wales. She turned around to find that her army of snakes was not there. She summoned them again, none came to her. David and Patrick had had scared them off the island. David and Patrick confronted their mother. Before they got to the top of the hill she was on, she threw a knife and hit David in the chest. Patrick yelled with grief for his brother. He now had so much rage in his system, he ran up the hill and decapitated his mother. He ran to his brother's side. Patrick took David to the castle healer and prayed David's survival. David died that night. The whole of Ireland was in grief. The entire British Isles were celebrating what Patrick had done, even though Patrick had just activated the portal back to the other continents. Patrick always had a selfish desire. He took all the glory and honor of the incident. He did not recognize his brother's doings until his death. Patrick has been considered a saint since he buried David's body. Saint Patrick was a selfish old drunk who fancied walking across the rainbow and stealing things from people ever since. He is often depicted as a leprechaun. Some say he was drunk a lot because he was selfish. That, we can never know for sure. Some people also say that David is still alive and well in Ireland today. He is said to be the leprechaun catcher. This whole thing about them still being alive
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